Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
