Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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