Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
