My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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