sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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