Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
