Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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