Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
