you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
