chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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