You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
