if only i could text you this smell
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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