I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
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