I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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