Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
We just shotgunned beers for America
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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