My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
