My room smells like vodka and shame
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
