I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
