id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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