I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
time to smoke my breakfast
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
