Jerry, you need to find god
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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