I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
