I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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