Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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