I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
