Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
