I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I know her cup size but not her name....
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
