I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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