A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
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