If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
