were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
