So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
