i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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