I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
