I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I deserve this hangover.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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