Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
