You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
