I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
