last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
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