today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
