Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
