I wanna bring you to show and tell
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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