I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
