smell my finger.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
she pinky promised me she was 18
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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