I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
