Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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