the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I accidentally had phone sex last night
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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