i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
