Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
where does the pee come out of this thing
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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