So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
you made out with another girl for some wings
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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