You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
