I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Randomize
