She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
