they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Randomize
