The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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